did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
