My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
