I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
