they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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