Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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