U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
