we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
