a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
