dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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