There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
