Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
