My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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