he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
