oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
