I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
