I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
