I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
