I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
