My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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