Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Boobs are out for the taking
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
