Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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