my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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