So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
