The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
