you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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