Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
