Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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