He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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