Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
