Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you inspire me to be a worse person
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
