Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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