C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize