new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
