Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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