someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
