Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize