I am full of burrito and curiosity
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
