You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
