ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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