I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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