The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
