Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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