hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize