Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
