It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
