I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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