I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
