There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
