if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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