I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
