you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
