I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
They have beer where we have blood.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
