haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
