she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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