i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I deserve this hangover.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
