hell yes lets make some ravioli
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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