His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
