My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
