remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
