Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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