I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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