a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
