literally had 100 drinks last night.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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