the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My vagina is officially offended.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
