if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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