dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Never underestimate the power of titties
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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